Mags

Oh it's been a long time.

Ha I bet you didn't even notice.

But yes I've moved my lazy ass over Xanga because my friends are there mostly. And although Lj will always be my favorite I must stay trendy...or something.

Yeah but anyway fast update. It's been up and down but yeah it's been sorta hard times with person/people.

Oh and I got Laura's present and I'm really excited about it, because it's a little birthday and christmas cheer all wrapped up in a nice little box and Aww so cute! (Of course I have only half of it thus far but yeah it's getting there) I promise to have it to her by the 30th. Which is only like 9 days late birthday wise and 5 christmas wise so that's pretty good. Sorta / not really.

-sigh- Alright this is sorta buggin me and I think I'll talk to her about it soon...

And now a public service announcement:

Kat is the cutest ever. She got me the best x-mas gift like ever..Yay tacky rings and all our inside jokes.

Thank you for listening.

♥Mags

P.S. Omgosh if you get the chance listen to the musical Zanna, Don't! A Musical Fairy Tale. It is an amazing! I love the album to death. The songs are really inspiring and snaps for Tim Acito for the production.

29 weeks,
1 day,
23 hours,
34 mins.

Till Graduation '05.

Fuck I'm ready for it...not even x-mas break and I'm annoyed with people and all this god damn fucking drama.

Some people are good...No. Some people are great (Jonathon, Scott, Andy, Mary, Josh, Ann.(hell even Chase and me are getting along))

And then there are some people I'd like to tell them I love, and completely mean it just the way I know they mean it. (Scott)

...and now I'm wondering what it would take to make her start talking to me again. Because even if she doesn't know it's this is killing and hurting me faster than an relationship ever would have.

29 weeks,
1 day,
23 hours,
30 mins.

They wrote it better then I could have, so I stole it.

I want you to write down how you see me. Your perspective on who I am. Include one thing you like, and one you dislike (though you're not limited to just one of either) about me. Do you remember how we met? How long ago it was? A favorite memory from the time we've known eachother? Inside jokes? And even if we don't talk much, comment in some way. I mean come on, it's not going to kill you.

LAURA IS HOME! SQUEEEEEEEE! -excitment-





But ew because I feel like complete shit for various reasons.

I'm adding something so this thing doesn't get deleted...

Things suck without my Laura Reineke

EX-treme :(

YESSSSS new private journal!

Shame I won't give it out isn't it.

Ok so it's been a while.

Sunday: Went shopping at the mall with Molly. It wasn't horrible we bought books and got pretz. at the new place. Then came home and stayed up till something like 5:00 in the morning with Laura talking about things, and people. When we finally got done I couldn't fall asleep so I stayed and watched the sun rise over Kroger.

Monday: Woke up around 2 respectfully. Then I pretty much spend from 2:30-6:00 talking to people on the computer, and getting ready for band. Went to band at 6:24 (thank God we only live 2 mins. away from the school) and yeah did that deal. Then came home and stayed online talking to J.Rog (<--Laura look what you did) and Leeann (sorta) oh and Chase (who I haven't seen/talked to in months!) and Kat (sorta). Then went to bed God knows when, blahblahetc.etc.

P.S. EWWW I tasted like brass the whole night, and it wouldn't come off. I washed my hands about 50 times!

Tuesday: Yeah woke up 2 something, I don't even know why I was asleep pretty early (one is early for me, shut up) And watched Bruce Almighty on Demand (decent movie, it passed the time) then got around and went to work from 4-10. It was Steph and me for about 20 mins. before Diane got there and omg we ate so much. And then Diane got there and we pretty much just hung out because we were slow. Steph and I went out to replace the trash bags out front, but they were already done so we just blow up out trash bags with the wind and pretended we were super hero's (yes you can call us dorks). We got locked out so yeah we had to wait for Diane to let us in, which took a while because she was taking care of some guy who kept staring at us (very creepy). When we got in we were laughing so hard we couldn't do anything but sit down. Amanda and Kady both came in at 7 (ack I hate Kady, creepy dad)(shh...you never heard me being mean)(ok, you did but shhh...no telling). But yeah we then just ate and took care of people, being dumb and not thinking right. Omg the mistakes. I made a medium strawberry shake at 4:30 and we seriously didn't another one till 9:15. What the hell I think God wanted me to label that damn shake, geez. But yeah it sold, and we all took home our mistakes. I came home and pretty much did nothing outside of sending J.Rog some decent music to listen to. Laura was in Canada (eh?) and so we couldn't talk really. And stayed up late (4am) because I just couldn't sleep at all (hyper mood from work). Yeah watched MTV, crap TV that it is, it was actually amusing. (I was making fun of the music videos by myself, it was grand -note sarcasm)

Wednesday: Woke up early for once, got in the shower and yeah did my hair and makeup, etc. I actually talked to Scott, like actual conversation, for a while and we talked about music, and what's been going on in our ever exciting lives. Then we decided to exchange CDs at band that night. So I saw him there and did the switch. (Love his hair, very cool) and then Laura got there, back from Canada. And yeah we did the band scene (which I love by the way) and then went home and talked to people (seeing a trend yet?) But then Maddie came over and I hung out with Molly and her. It was actually pretty fun, we sang stupid old songs and did Bohemian Rhapsody as always (it's tradition to do it) and then I read my book (The Boyfriend List, very good thus far) and then went to sleep.

Thursday: Woke up late, because I didn't sleep well at all. I had some horrible dreams, none of which I'm sharing because they scare me to much to write out...so let's just say they all involved dying of someone close to me in a horrible wretched way. And yeah I've done pretty much but be crabby and feel icky because well Mother Nature thought it would be cute to send me a visitor. (it wasn't cute) and yeah. But then I found pills, aka Midol, and am now at least bearable and won't kill you if you say 'hi' to me.

So there is my life up to now. Gosh I wrote a lot, well enjoy this and then leave a comment damn it, they make me feel special.

Love always, Magster

So I'm thinking I should write some sort of play to act out all the wrechedly perfect case scenerios where the guy gets the girl

and then write the same play, but make it ironic and completely reversed

SEE EXAMPLE:

GOOD: (used this in my last entry) It's raining and the girl is sitting out in the rain crying over lost love. Then the rain stops the sun comes out and the guy shows up looking wet and absolutely gorgy. And the girl looks up all makeup smeared and whatnot. He helps he up and proclaims his love for her. They kiss and the movie ends....THE END.


BAD/IRONIC/WHATEVER: It's raining and the girl is out in the rain crying over lost love. Then the hot gorgy uy pulls up in his hot car throws the girl a throw and beeps his horn...she would look at him confused and then from behind her some slut would come out of the bar smoking and she would ground out the cig next to the girl on the corner and jump in the car. They would then proceed to drive off as the rain stops and it get sunny...THE END.

Ok so I'm a little deraged, you know it wouldn't be the same if I wasn't ;)

WHY MUST IT BE LIGHT OUT?!?!?!! I WISH IT WAS DARK!!!! I WANNA GO OUT AND SIT IN THE RAIN...DAMN IT ALL WHY DOES IT HAVE TO RAIN NOW?????????


ok done with the CAPS lock but omg I'm so upset that it's raining while it's light out. If it rains again when it gets dark damn it I'm going to go sit outside



^this probably sounds depressing but you've no idea how nice and enjoyable it is^

Oh and look at this it's stopped and now the sun is coming out. This is just like in some sort of teen chick flick

(end scene)
It's raining and the girl is sitting out in the rain crying over lost love. Then the rain stops the sun comes out and the guy shows up looking wet and absolutely gorgy. And the girl looks up all makeup smeared and whatnot. He helps he up and proclaims his love for her. They kiss and the movie ends....THE END.

God this sucks

You want to know why this is pointless because the people who need to read it don't because they are gay and retarded....WHATEVER like fuck them, seriously. -sigh-

Now that I'm over that I relize something, but I can't say anything about it. GOD! -dies-


alkhdfjkahdlkghaldhgadlfghaklhfgahdlkgjha;dfg <-- that sums up exactly how I'm feeling. It's like I'm happy but it's such a fake mood, and I feel like I'm just putting on a smile and going on with life even though I want to back up and scream, punch, and work some things out.

OMG LAURA REINEKE WILL LEAVE ME FOR CAMP AND I WILL DIE. BAND CAMP WILL SUCK. AND BOO! -pouts- YAY! for snail mail :|

Yeah I was on vacation and we got home last night. It was good but I think maybe I need another one soon.

But on a happy note I went to lunch with Laura and gave her the presents from the trip I got her. :)

YAY LYRICS! ENJOY that I edited them a little bit...

Why do we need this
Who was it that said
Great things come to great men
Well that fucker lied to us
There's nothing here but a wasteland,

And I can still see the graves of the dead
but it's useless
most of us would rather sit
than see this wound
that we have created

Senseless and I'm not sure why
I'm not going to pretend that I know all the answers
Or all of the questions
Its got to be good for something

so we'll chalk this and we'll mount the dead
on the fireplace above right above our guilded heads

I'm sick and I'm tired of always being the good guy
like sitting in the back seat (it's all the rage)
and boring me with your body (it's all the rage)
how many times can I say I'm sorry (it's all the rage)
and really mean it (and really mean it)


Ok so now that I'm done with that little kick I want to end on this note. Ignore the insane CAP lock to come




WHY THE HELL DO I FUCKING BOTHER WITH PEOPLE? THEY SCREW ME OVER, WASTE MY TIME, IGNORE AND LEAVE ME...

1. What's the first word that comes to mind when you think of me? [DONT TELL ME!]
2. Go to http://images.google.com/ and search for that word.
3. Reply to this post with one of the pictures on the first page of results (don't tell me the word). Use an image tag, or just post the link to the image.
4. Put this in your own blog so that I can do the same.

I borrowed this from a friend because they had summed it better then I could have. Thanks to those people mentioned below. I hope we stay friends eternally. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

A "Simple" Story and Some Words Of Advice.
I tried to leave this world before. I was never really happy you see, I would try to be the crazy one, and it seemed to work, for a while. I knew that they never really cared, I just knew it. I felt disconnected from them, as if I was in a dark little corner surrounded by my own unhappiness and they were off in the distant, having fun and never knowing what I felt, maybe they still loved me I thought to my self. It really didn't seem that way. What would happen if I left? Would they feel responsible for it? I think that's what I wanted. For them to be sad and empty just like me. I heard that heaven was a good place, and that not one of them would be there, I thought for a moment, the object still tightly closed in my hand, and it felt horrible to be that way, cold and empty, did I really want everyone around me feeling that way too? In a way, I wanted to be the only one. It was my thing, my special little world, where I could go a hide from it all, but it was really just a dream, and they are the complete opposite of reality. I would hold my breath for as long as I could, just on the edge on leaving. I tried to tell them once, but they didn't get the picture exactly how I wanted them to. It was true, I had people I was pretty close to in life, just not at the time. Maybe if we had met sooner it wouldn't have gotten that far. Then again I had my family, or what was left of it. Yes everyone was still there, but they were so different from me. They were content with the way their lives were, and none of them felt like me.

That was the end of 8th grade and beginning of 9th, I thought, as I entered my school for the last 2 quarters that things would be different. I decided to not be that way anymore, to be happy and carefree, but you cannot control the depression, it controls you, and I still felt that same way at times, an outsider and unhappy. I tried to make the best of it, keep it in, but eventually the sadness turned to anger which turned to pain, which consumed me for a few sad weeks...

I'd like to think that I'm better now, sometimes it's even true, recently I've had people helping me get through all of it. I don't hurt myself, think that everyone would be better with me and don't think so negatively anymore.

I would like to thank a few certain people, Kat, Mary and especially Laura, they have given me courage and all the support in the world. Thank you guys, even though you never knew you helped me in such a huge way, I know for a fact that I wouldn't still be here.

One last thing, if your ever planning to hurt your self in anyway DON'T, yes I may seem like your all alone no one with you but your wrong. Someone out there loves you, never doubt it like I did.

Things are just bothering me lately.

Today: Got my grade card and got bitched at about how I do nothing and I put forth no effort. I hate when my parents do this. They make me feel like shit. They don't have a damn clue how hard school is and how pressed I am for time and everything. I just hate it.

Yesterday: Was good up till about the time me and my friend started talking about Scott at burger king. What was said was that he probably won't stay in touch with anyone except for the one person. And that just made me sad because I know now that I'm nothing to Scott, and our friendship just annoys him and does not mean anything now because I was just a phase or something to the effect of one. Add the fact that someone else was annoying me so much that I jumped on her back and probably forced her to say things she did not want to. We apologized but I still feel like shit about it. And last, but not the worst, there is my ex-bf who is just driving me crazy because I'm stupid and tried to talk to him again. It did not go good and things are now worse off because we can't be civil to each other anymore...

Tomorrow: Only a heartbeat away but I already know it's going to blow in some way or another...




Call my cell phone because I feel like shit...................

Making this quick cause leeann is cheaking them all

YAY for 3 full days only like what 58 more. Congrats

Thanks josh for fixing your profile, it's cute in a semi normal weird way :)

Laura renieke where are you?!?!??!!one shiftbackslash

yeah it was and then I went to the festival for I don't know why, I just did. Meet up with Laura for a few to talk and she took me home. Not before I saw some people I would have liked not to.

I'm so proud of LeeAnnDoe, because you know she's her and she always win (lmao) Congrats on almost 48 hours -ehigh:four- (what I kept the thumb down, don't ask...)

Woke up at 11:00 got online and did nothing there for a while. Now I'm out here in the trailer wondering why I got an extra sweet thank you from laura, I'm not complaing about it just saying it was cute and I was shocked when I got it. But it made me get all teary eyed cause I loved it. But yes, so I sent one back to Laura thanking her, blah blah, etc etc. no one wants to hear about me. But anyway, it's like 2:00 and I have work again tonight at 4 till 10; then I think I'm going to come home, change and then head up to the festival for a couple of hours. Then I think I'll be home maybe 12:30 (since I've got to wait for mom to get done in the kitchen) to talk to people.

And I swear if I get one more rude comment from someone using the anonymous status I think I'll just go crazy and stop using thing. People like that are the reason I'm cold and mean to others. Damn them..

AND big proud congrats to leeann you've made it through almost 2 days! -cheers!-

I feel like just apoligizing to people for a lot of different reasons

--Like bringing up something I shouldn't have

--Making someone admit something they didn't want to

--For fighting and agrugeing with people over stupid things

--For even being in someone's life

God...I feel like shit. Maybe leave me a message and make me feel better?




And now I'm begging people to make me feel better. -slaps self- Why did I get rid of that box...?

Wow I never thought I wouldn't know what to talk about with some people, I wish it wasn't like that. I really miss the good times with my friends...




-long sigh- I'm lost for words with you people. God...and you know the person I'm really talking about won't even read this and even if they do they won't give a damn.

So let's see since it is almost friday, and I haven't updated in a few days I will do just that.

So yesterday was what wed. Yeah I went to the mall with laura and alex. got my graduation outfit and laura talked me into buying this wine colored dress for something or another. I think maybe I'll wear it for homecoming in a few months. But on any note I had a ton of fun going and shopping.

And today, thursday was quite enjoyable also, had english and band for exams and that was painless and easy for the most part. then I came home, studied a bit and then headed to my track banquet, that was fun and we took tons of pictures. I can't wait to go out and get a scrap book for the summer and for next year. I'm really hoping to get into that because I have all these pictures and memories I want to keep close.

I'm so excited about tommorrow being the last day. I have old testament and then science and then I'M FREE! not that it matters because I'm going to be working all the time instead of school now...-sigh- oh well I love where I work...

So cheers! for a really great few days~ Magster